Editor’s note: If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, help is available at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text 88788.
CNN
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A new Netflix docuseries reveals never-before-seen details about the story of travel vlogger Gabby Petito, a 22-year-old woman killed by her fiancé, Brian Laundrie, during a cross-country road trip in 2021.
Like many domestic violence cases, the story depicted in “American Murder: Gabby Petito” sparked outrage over the lack of intervention before the young woman’s strangled remains were found in Wyoming’s Bridger-Teton National Forest. (Laundrie later died by suicide, according to a medical examiner.)
Petito’s case is one of many domestic violence tragedies involving young people that continue to provoke anger and fear, and that’s especially true when these cases involve teenagers.
In the United States, teen dating violence remains common, with about 1 in 3 teenagers experiencing physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, according to statistics from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
The consequences of teen dating violence can be both immediate and long-lasting.
Victims are more likely to face depression, anxiety and substance abuse and have aggressive behavior and suicidal thoughts, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
How to get help
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health matters, please call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 to connect with a trained counselor, or visit the 988 Lifeline website.
Navigating healthy relationships can be challenging for both teens and parents, but caution and open communication are critical to prevent acts of violence.
Many people associate physical violence, such as pushing, hitting or even sexual assault, with abusive relationships, but a form of psychological violence called coercive control is also common in such relationships.
This tactic is used to exert power over someone, typically to instill feelings of isolation and fear, said Sherry Hamby, a distinguished research professor of psychology at the University of the South in Sewanee, Tennessee, and director of the Life Paths Research Center, which is dedicated to promoting resilience and social justice in marginalized communities.
Common signs of coercive control might include demanding to know a partner’s whereabouts or forcing them to share their location, pressuring for explicit photos or other information such as passwords, as well as engaging in isolating behaviors, such as discouraging a partner from seeing friends, family members or others perceived as a “threat” to the relationship.
Many teens struggle to recognize these unhealthy dynamics, especially because pop culture often portrays jealousy as a sign of love.
However, control-driven behaviors are usually red flags for deeper issues, said Dr. Krista Mehari, a licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor in the department of psychology and human development at Vanderbilt University in Nashville.
Sexual victimization is another key concern teens and parents should be aware of. Even if an incident doesn’t involve rape, coercion of any kind — forced kissing, nonconsensual touching or pressure to engage in sexual activities — is still considered sexual assault.
Consent must always be explicit, enthusiastic and ongoing, meaning it can change at any point during an interaction, Hamby said.
Additionally, reproductive coercion, which includes pressuring a partner to have unprotected sex, lying about contraception or manipulating a partner into having a baby, is another form of abuse that teens may not easily recognize, according to Hamby.
To help teens examine the health of their romantic relationships, Hamby recommends parents and guardians engage in frequent check-ins to take note of any changes or problems.
Teens should ensure they aren’t being insulted or put down in a relationship, particularly when it comes to criticisms about their appearance or weight.
For those who are involved in sports or general interest activities, a supportive partner should encourage them to continue these hobbies and be happy to see them thrive.
Hamby noted older teens in high school should be mindful of behaviors that hinder their personal growth. A partner should support the other’s decision to pursue college or job opportunities that best suit their lifestyle and well-being.
More obvious signs of dating violence include blatant threats, damage or destruction of any kind of property, or aggressive physical advances.
Parents and caregivers can observe a teen’s relationships for these warning signs to help identify abuse that adolescents might overlook.
How parents and guardians can help
Intervening in a teen’s relationship can be tricky, with adolescents tending to resist oversight from parents or caregivers.
Instead, Hamby suggests sharing resources with information about both abusive and healthy relationships, allowing teens to explore them independently rather than feeling pressured.
Another approach is bringing in a trusted outside source, such as another family member, coach or religious leader whom the teen sees as a more objective guide.
Girls and young women are often taught to avoid saying “no” to be polite, which can make them vulnerable to sexual coercion later in life, Vanderbilt’s Mehari said. Teaching children to assert boundaries early on can help them navigate these situations confidently before they enter the dating world.
Since conversations about sensitive subjects can sometimes feel awkward, Hamby suggests taking advantage of long car rides to provide a more relaxed setting for open discussions.
Modeling and discussing healthy relationships
Parents and guardians play a crucial role in demonstrating respect, communication, kindness and boundaries as they model healthy relationships for their kids.
However, leading by example may not always be enough, which is why adults should focus on explicit guidance for handling relationship challenges.
Since some teens may be hesitant to open up about their relationship struggles, use pop culture as a conversation starter. Discussing relationship dynamics from a TV show or movie can provide a low-stakes way to distinguish between healthy and harmful behaviors.
Mehari pointed to the example of the popular Christmastime song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” which some critics say romanticizes coercion and disregards consent. Use this song as an opportunity to discuss what to do if someone won’t take “no” for an answer.
Parents and guardians can also initiate conversations based on real-life relationships their teen observes, such as divorced friends or peer relationships at school, creating less personal and emotionally charged discussions.
Most importantly, families who want their kids to be honest must create a safe, judgment-free environment in which teens feel comfortable being vulnerable without fear of immediate punishment.
“Parents need to build relationships … in which their child knows that the parents will listen and be curious, instead of reacting right away,” Mehari said.
