CNN
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You probably don’t know who Celeste Gay is. That isn’t at all what she planned.
An aspiring actress, Gay isn’t chasing fame, but she also isn’t running from it. So far she has gotten the biggest exposure not onscreen but by being herself — and sharing a resonant tale, filled with pain and regret, of how she quit her job a few years ago and moved to Atlanta to break into movies and TV.
Gay envisioned herself working on screens both big and small, bolstered by the buzz of the city that’s been dubbed “Black Hollywood.” Instead, she found herself in her car on a dreary day during her lunch break last month, emotionally sharing her tale on YouTube to her 42 subscribers. She titled it “57 and Broke.”
“It has been really tough for me because of some decisions that I have made that I regret making,” she said in the video, clearing her throat. “I always talk about Atlanta and I feel like when I left my corporate job making a good salary and decided to chase a dream, thinking everything would fall into place, things would be in order, my life blew up.”
At the end of her rope, Gay recorded the emotional video to be transparent about her situation and the mistakes she’s made. She quickly found out she’s not alone. Her clip earned her more than half a million views and an outpouring of support, and she now has more than 21,000 subscribers on YouTube.
“It just kind of knocked me over like a tidal wave,” she told CNN of the response. “I didn’t think all this was going to happen.”
Her newfound viral fame is not the first time Gay has been knocked off her feet.
Growing up in Tennessee, Gay did everything right.
She majored in journalism and theater at Tennessee State University, got a master’s degree in business administration and marketing, and landed a job in Washington, DC, as an editor.
But she never got over the acting bug she caught in the sixth grade after appearing in a play.
“I always loved acting, but I was trying to be a ‘quote unquote responsible adult,’ get the 9 to 5 job, have the benefits, save for the 401k,” she said. “But I wasn’t satisfied.”
By her early fifties Gay was twice divorced, child-free and working as a program manager at FedEx in Memphis. It was a “good job,” she says — she managed a sales team, earned about $80k a year and had benefits many people would envy.
But it wasn’t enough for the woman with stars in her eyes. Gay began to consider leaving this stability behind to pursue a career in acting. She says more than a few people tried to talk her out of it.
“My manager said at the time, ‘Let’s think about it — reconsider,’ and I was like ‘No, this is calling me. This is what I believe I’m supposed to do. This is my time,” she recalled. “He was a great manager and he understood. I did have a few other people say ‘Are you sure?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, I’m sure.’ And I left. I packed up and I left.”
Gay felt confident that success awaited her in Atlanta, where many movies and TV series are filmed.
“Before I went I had a conversation with a younger actress and kind of talked to her about my plans,” Gay told CNN. “I asked that exact question — do you think at my age, with my gray hair, I could get parts? And she did say that there (in Atlanta), because of my age bracket, I would have opportunities.”
The universe seemed like it was making a way for her.
A friend in Memphis connected her with a non-acting job opportunity in Atlanta that she said was “right up her alley” and everything seemed aligned for her to get it. Then, Gay says, she “self-sabotaged.”
“I said, you know what, I can’t do this job,” she said in her video. “I’m going to be acting. I don’t know when I’ll need (time) off … I made an excuse because I’m thinking it’s going to be ok.”
But in Atlanta, the lucrative acting jobs didn’t come.
Instead, Gay tried to make a living by delivering for DoorDash and working the overnight shift at Walmart.
“I did everything I could,” she said in her video, her voice cracking with emotion. “I also ended up withdrawing my pension and my retirement because I just didn’t have enough money. And this is not how I expected things to go. I really didn’t, because I’d always landed on my feet and this is the first time I had not.”
After a year Gay finally landed a steady job, but she quit because her manager didn’t like the fact that she was pursuing acting. She left to work in an Amazon warehouse, something she enjoyed and that she felt helped her get back on her feet.
But her housing in Atlanta also became an issue. After living with a roommate for more than a year Gay decided to move into an apartment on her own. She soon discovered it was infested with cockroaches.
“I thought, ‘OK, maybe this is a fluke, I’m seeing a few, they exterminated, the place has been empty awhile,’ but no,” she said in her video. “In my bedroom I would try to cover the door so they wouldn’t get in, it didn’t matter. They got in. I woke up one morning and there were some crawling up the wall, and I thought, ‘I can’t do this.’”
All the while Gay was auditioning for roles, which any actor will tell you is fraught with rejection. The odds in Hollywood are specially stacked against older women. According to a 2019 Screen Actors Guild study, 37% of all male actors cast in films and TV shows the year prior were 40 or older, compared to only 24% of female actors. When it came to lead roles, the disparity was even greater.
Gay said she did land a few commercials, including ones for USAA, Hallmark and Capital One, as well as roles in a some short and independent films and the television movie, “A Nashville Legacy.” But after not working for a year and being hit with a major tax bill from cashing out her retirement savings, she was deep in debt.
It all became too much for her and she decided to move back to Memphis, but not before making one more questionable decision — passing up on a remote, full-time job that would have employed her on contract for two years.
“I decided not to work remote,” she said. “I regretted that, because I’m thinking I’ll go back to my old company. That did not happen.”
But if you are feeling sorry for Gay, wondering how she got it so wrong or even a mixture of both — understand that she is right there with you.
It was just that complex mix of feelings that led her to sit in her car on a rainy afternoon in February, filming her now-viral video. Gay told CNN she felt “mixed emotions” about the emotionally raw clip.
“Even though I recorded it and I made myself do it right then because I was feeling it in the moment, I came home and listened to it and I thought, ‘OK Celeste, put it up,” she said. “But it was a mix of being conscious of how embarrassed I was, and even after I posted, I thought, ‘Should I take this down?’ But I felt better after doing it. Honestly, I actually felt a lot lighter.”
The video took off slowly but was boosted by shares from more prominent accounts, including comedian Lil Duval who posted about it on his verified Instagram page which has more than 4.3 million followers. People left comments of support, sharing that they too have found themselves in tenuous financial situations or just simply wondering, “Is this all there is?”
“I am 58 and feel women our age should work together in small groups. Please do not blame yourself. Life happens,” wrote one YouTube commenter. “It is hard to find women with courage and health to start something together. You are very inspiring. Thank you for sharing.”
Not every response was positive, even if it came from a good place. Some people told her to stop saying she was “broke” because it’s self-defeating. One commenter accused her of a pattern in which “you reject good advice.” But Gay is grateful for the attention her video has received.
“I am blown away by the response that it did get because honestly, I did not expect it. I thought 50 people would see it, and I’d go on and, you know, put up another video later,” Gay told CNN. “But I believe that, first of all, it was the authenticity.”
Gay says she thinks her video struck a chord with others who are struggling to hold it together.
“I believe the video that I posted opened the door for people to … raise their hand and say, ‘This is my situation,’ and not have to feel bad about it.”
Gay is far from alone in her current circumstances, said Judith Gonyea, a professor at Boston University’s School of Social Work who has written extensively about historically disadvantaged older populations.
“If you look at the statistics, we see how many older adults in the US are facing economic hardship — particularly women and women of color,” Gonyea said. “So it is not surprising that (Gay’s story) resonated so much.”
Women in particular face ageism when it comes to seeking employment later in life, Gonyea said, as well as racial and gender discrimination.
“For persons like Celeste, if they’ve been out of workforce for a period, reentering can be very difficult as employers often prioritize candidates with recent experiences,” the professor said. “There’s the technology gap concerns and there’s appearance bias, because societal expectations about aging and appearance can negatively affect how older women are perceived in job interviews.”
Gay says she finds comfort in knowing that other people share her challenges and life lessons. She’s glad to have heard from women who feel seen thanks to her story, something she had not initially considered.
“Honestly the truth is I had just had it. And I felt as if I was at the end of my rope, and I felt as if I was alone and it was only me going through this, even though I know that’s not true,” Gay said. “I know other people have challenges as well. I don’t know what gave me the gumption or the courage, but I walked out of my office and went and got in my car and just started recording with no plan.”
She said she “has a greater hope” since posting the video. So many people have reached out to her, she says, including people from her past whom she had lost touch with. She “counting that as a blessing,” she says.
“I feel like I’m part of community, and my hope and prayer is that I can give back as much as I feel like as I received, because I feel like I have received so much more than I’ve given,” she said.
And while a financial advisor has helped her come up with a budget, Gay said her financial situation hasn’t changed much.
Returning to Memphis didn’t mean returning to her old life, because she couldn’t get her former job at FedEx back. Gay says she faced rejection after rejection before finally landing her current contract job. She asked CNN not to name her current employer.
Gay still owes taxes from having cashed out her retirement and said she plans to keep working and posting on YouTube. Since her video went viral she’s now able to earn a little money from her posts.
But she sees the positive where she can. She still has the car where she filmed her now-famous video, although at one point it was in danger of being repossessed after she fell almost three months behind in payments.
Director Mann Robinson recently cast Gay in a supporting role as a grandmother in his upcoming film, “Turnt AF.” In a recent Instagram video she praised Robinson and the crew and called working on the movie “a really good experience.”
And for those wondering: Yes, despite her struggles Gay would still love to be a full-time actress. So Tyler Perry, if you’re reading this, she knows her way around a movie set.
